WHAT TWENTY-FIVE TOLD ME

  • You are definitely going towards than away.
  • Loss is a landmark.
  • Change is entirely different than transition.
  • Confidence needs to be protected and preserved.
  • Married couples do not have the type of friendships you do.
  • Four dollar lattes will never be an affordable luxury. But drink up.
  • The best of friends can still be the best, even with distance, relationship status alterations and new vocations. Only if you want it.
  • Travel is breaths of air. You need it.
  • Protein is essential in your diet.
  • Risk is risky.
  • Los Angeles is less scary, New York is less dreamy.
  • Vulnerability drives people away, but more importantly, it can drive others in, closer.
  • You don’t have to be close to your parents to love your parent(s).
  • Cooking is a free therapy.
  • Education will always be missed, learning becomes richer though more difficult.
  • Embarrassment is rare, lightheartedness will keep you well.
  • Everyone’s grass is greener
  • “You’re young,” said the married women, the salaried person and the home owner.
  • Loneliness is a necessary evil, solitude is just necessary.
  • Time flies, yes but it fills and furthers your story.
  • Money is both fuel and futile. Frick.
  • Excitement is sleeping for at least 6 and a half hours.
  • It’s incredibly too easy to take money out of your savings account.
  • Dreams are less dreamy, dreams are more doable.
  • A glass of any type of spirit or wine does a body good. Every night.
  • Stretching is crucial–also, drink more water.
  • You’ve been a good kid, so it’s ok to continue and be a good adult.
  • Drugs, don’t do them, still.
  • Handsome, witty and kind is not an impossible combination, still.
  • Kindness and humility will be hard, but not as hard as judgment and expectations towards and from others.
  • Dependence is anchored by few. Secrets are shared with fewer.
  • Religion is less authoritative, spirituality is swayable, but above all, Jesus is foundational.
  • There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. 

w a n d e r i n g | w e e k e n d

08.17-19 (CLICK)

1) Enjoyed a friend’s visit from home over lunch at Raglan. Say hello to this grilled ahi and slaw on sourdough bread. 2) Did my first music piece for Relevant Magazine on this rad band, So Many Wizards at Soda Bar, sponsored by Sezio. 3) My lovely roomies & Nicole supporting me and looking real fly. 4) Saturday was spent laying on the grass and staring at the perfect sky. 5) My first official Ortiz’s California Burrito since moving back down to San Diego. How sweet the sound–of my inhaling of such delicacy. 6) It was a scorcher on Sunday so my roomies had a water fight in our backyard while I wrote in the shade and grunted..and took photos of them.

Look at the what the light did

I like the way the light hits through the window when it’s 3 pm. It’s anxious I can tell to reach my face, but I hide under stacks of to-dos that have nothing to do with being responsible, but rather, responsive. I keep x-ing boxes of inquiries because I don’t think I am called to coordinate unorganized people or walk your dog, but  I am called to organize the coordination of prayer, talent and the timing that is my person. It’s hard to tell what timing is when I hide under stacks, but I guess 3 o clock is a good indicator that there isn’t much time left so maybe I should stop eye-flirting with my fellow coffee shop dweller and start flirting with the submission of resumes and creation of cover letters.

But then again, maybe not, because time, when measured well is abundant.

If I could live off my declaration of independence from ever having a 9 to 5 I would be a happy woman. Maybe happy isn’t the right word, but I’d for sure be the woman I think I’m meant (hate that word) to be. I would also just be happier if all the Bloody Marys I consumed were free. But my vices advise me to drink and be merry and to get to know the people around me and to invest wholly and honestly. So I have, will and am learning how to continue that specific calling and also afford a crown for my tooth*.

Yet still there is a tension in my bones of late.  Thankfully it is quickly remedied with the fact Jesus is faithful and that my thankfulness is thankfully not as fickle as I am. Because as I live, and breath and sip this espresso, I’m completely at a lost for words why I get to sit here and shout my dreams while landing safely in a home built upon peace, hope and immense love. I also have come to grips (while we’re getting personal) with that fact this has become my one and only diary, so please lock it back up after you eavesdrop this solo coffee date I’m having.

I hope a lot of things, but I’m hopeful about much more. And today as I catch the light retracting from it’s attempts to reach me, I all of a sudden am vying for it’s attention hoping for a tomorrow filled with more grace and patience. And though it feels like the light is well out of my reach, I know Faithfulness will bring me an opportunity to hid or show my face. So I’m challenged to be honest with the expressions I display–even if it communicates I want to hide. Because things are so good. And goodness should be displayed and expressed. Like how the light shines through the window this time of day. And this reminder is for solely me, though meant for us both.

*Previous post shall explain my dental reference.

Knots in my head, on my head.

I feel impending like the lack from the knotted twine lugging up a love weightier than it’s counterpart. Like the sum of my misplaced heart and an abstract heart, I’m a whole disguised by a half by something holy and woefully indebted to Eternity’s gift of eternity. I can grasp the lesser Known more than what I call my own. And this protects the anxious I call my hunger, my posture, my heart. But the bright circle turns into a dark circle and a new day is born, torn from a “no” and a “not yet” and a times a “never”–but torn. And so my hunger, posture and heart are in a civil war because I forget my grasp is from my hand, and my palms are often human. Sometimes it is I who lack when I do not accept to know the Known and so the unknown takes hold of me. And now there knots are in my head, or on my head–but they are knots, tangled within each other forming treaties to obstruct my pace and my peace. Knots that loosen me to drop below and far from my counterpart, from my Love.

But the dark circle, of my eyes while more the sky, turns into a bright circle. With or without a head nod, there lies a circumference of comfort that corals any impending into arrival.

Remember knotted head, remember.